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Tuesday, February 1. 2005
When I was in school, the music teach taught us thus: There are innumerable sub-genres of metal — heavy metal, black metal, death metal, what-not. You can usually tell them apart by what size amps they have.
Of course, he was being sarcastic — it's not really that easy. In truth, it's more a combination of how many distortion pedals they have, how bad their "singer" is — Cradle of Filth and Subway to Sally come to mind as bands that are lethal unless played through a karaoke system —, and how inane their lyrics are (Blind Guardian are a good example here, as are, once again, Subway to Sally).
But of course, nobody's aware of these things anymore; apparently, they don't teach music like they used to. Kids don't know shit these days, and if you google that, your best match is in fact "kids don't know shit about music" — written by a 15-year-old. Good grief, man! Even teenagers are beginning to see through MTV! Eat your heart out, content industry! Die flaming death, techno rehashes!
 But that's not all. As this Top 10 of ridiculous black metal pics suggests, it's also key to look like an imbecile. You'd think they'd give King Diamond an honourable mention at least. You'd also think one of these morons would have seized their chance to set up shop in DC Comics' old headquarters on 666 Fifth Avenue, or something.
Either way, is it me, or does the guy on the left look like Morn from Star Trek gone bad? If you work it out, drop us a line here on Katze!
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