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Tuesday, February 1. 2005

Dumbass metallers

Photo: Dumbass metaller

When I was in school, the music teach taught us thus: There are innumerable sub-genres of metal — heavy metal, black metal, death metal, what-not. You can usually tell them apart by what size amps they have.

Of course, he was being sarcastic — it's not really that easy. In truth, it's more a combination of how many distortion pedals they have, how bad their "singer" is — Cradle of Filth and Subway to Sally come to mind as bands that are lethal unless played through a karaoke system —, and how inane their lyrics are (Blind Guardian are a good example here, as are, once again, Subway to Sally).

But of course, nobody's aware of these things anymore; apparently, they don't teach music like they used to. Kids don't know shit these days, and if you google that, your best match is in fact "kids don't know shit about music" — written by a 15-year-old. Good grief, man! Even teenagers are beginning to see through MTV! Eat your heart out, content industry! Die flaming death, techno rehashes!

Photo: Morn from ST:DS9But that's not all. As this Top 10 of ridiculous black metal pics suggests, it's also key to look like an imbecile. You'd think they'd give King Diamond an honourable mention at least. You'd also think one of these morons would have seized their chance to set up shop in DC Comics' old headquarters on 666 Fifth Avenue, or something.

Either way, is it me, or does the guy on the left look like Morn from Star Trek gone bad? If you work it out, drop us a line here on Katze!
Posted by Azundris in English at 09:40 | Comments (8) | Trackbacks (0)
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Anonymous on :

*Ah, King Diamond! Those were the days!

"We are gathered here tonight,
to lay to rest Gwenhwyfar La Fey,
whom we now know was first born dead
on the seventh day of July, 1777.
Abigail must be nailed to her coffin with seven silver spikes,
one through each arm, hand, and knee,
and let the last of the seven be drawn through her mouth
so that she may never arise and cause evil again."

Gwen on :

*Ahem! One moment here please. We're not going to lay to rest *me*. The original text goes "to lay to rest Abigail La Fey". Hmph.

Azundris on :

*Oops, my bad!
What's with the details, though? That's so un-ENFP! : )

PS Had you stunned there for a second, didn't I? : )

Azundris on :

*I wonder where these guys stand in the hierarchy of things:
http://www.brunching.com/images/geekchartbig.gif

Gwen on :

*I am missing those doods in the list: http://www.c2m.fi/artist.asp?art=494.
Lordi. My favourite on the shit list. Performed together with Tarja in Munich in Jan 2003. I am sure she does regret it :-)

Azundris on :

*Yeah, the list was sadly incomplete. cf. the King Diamond bit for a start. And those dudes do look weird! (But then, so do Gwar...)

Lalufu on :

*There happens to be a sequel:
http://ruthlessreviews.com/top10/10blackmetal2.html

Azundris on :

*Oy vey ... this time, there just is no excuse. They knew they'd get shitlisted, and they dressed up all stupid-like, anyway.

Azundris on :

*http://www.boingboing.net/2005/09/20/black_metal_for_dumm.html

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